I used to make this mistake all the time when I was single. I had a long, long (did I say long?) checklist of qualities I wanted in a man. I wanted my man to have a strong belief in God, a solid job, car, apartment, no kids, a nice family, him to be over 5’8 (I’m 5’6 so I needed at least 2 inches in case I wore heels or wedges), be college educated, kind to me but strong to others, etc. etc. etc. Ladies I had so many items on my checklist that I didn’t leave any room to have a man there. What I was missing most was standards.
How many times do you and your girlfriends talk about relationships? I can tell you that I always did and still do (clearly I’m talking with you about it right now as we speak lol). But how many times did you focus on what you had to offer? Most of the time women don’t speak about that at all. They focus on their checklist so much that they forget that they’re the ones who are attracting a particular type of person. Now in order to meet the right kind of person, you’ll need standards to do so. In the meantime, you’re left feeling all upset because you think you’re being asked to compromise your checklist every time someone suggests you drop that said checklist. After all, why on earth should you have to compromise your checklist? Sound familiar?
I’m not saying that having a checklist is a problem. I’m saying that by having one, you’re screaming to the rest of the world that you’re someone who deserves something (what an entitled personality you have!) and you’re coming across super shallow at the same time. That only leaves room for you to attract someone who is shallow too because like always attracts like. And he won’t be that into you because you’re not that perfect to begin with either….just like him. It sounds harsh, but it’s real. Let’s put this into perspective, have you seen Think Like A Man the movie? Taraji’s character was exactly the same kind of woman we’re talking about. She looked past Michael Ealy for Morris Chestnut’s character because he had nailed every criteria on her checklist. But Michael Ealy had the character (which consequently she forgot to add to her shallow checklist to begin with). Luckily for Taraji, she wised up before it was too late, ate some humble pie and begged for Ealy back. The message to you is: do you want to be the woman who continues to make those same mistakes? If not, it’s time to trade your checklist for standards.
So why standards? The easy answer is that standards are all about how you treat yourself and how others should treat you. They are your playbook for life. Here are several reasons standards are the it things to have:
- Standards communicate that you have it together and are level headed. And what’s sexier than a person who has it together, is confident and down to earth? See, who ever said rules can’t be sexy?
- Standards also protect you in the way that your checklist doesn’t. They make sure that you’re not judging someone for what they can do for you but for their character. And in turn, others can look at you for your character.
- Standards also give you a chance to be quiet and listen sometimes. Not just talk about what you want, but listen to the person speaking about who they say you are.
- Standards let you distance yourself from people who shouldn’t be around you. They make sure that you’re not making excuses for people who can’t be on your own level. The best thing here is when you have standards you’ll stop settling for less because you’re lonely.
Standards are something needed if you want others to treat you like you believe you deserve. Want to talk about this a little more? Let’s talk more in a coaching session: click here
Want to set better standards for yourself and others? Our Worth Guided Journal is your answer! You can get yours here: click here.
